adjusting

hi everyone.
i can finally turn on my computer and focus with a bit of clarity.

i am thankful. i say that without 100% feeling it yet. i thought all i would care about is how grateful i'd be. i expect that feeling to take over, but i guess i'm not there yet. i do think i will end up that way. i should be so grateful to have my life saved, etc.
i'll get into that when the time is right for that.

for now, i am adjusting. i am finding my strength again. i have done some walking today and yesterday. i am figuring out how much medicine to take to stay out of head pain. my body feels strange. my mind is mostly dealing with pain. i have staples in my head that get removed next wednesday. it is very strange to look at a bald strip and see staples. my hair is such a mess but i can't touch it yet. that has to wait until next friday. 9 more days.

i think overall i'm in shock about all this. feels way too large to really deal with. even though i knew it was coming for a month it is still shocking. now, i hope to get through this pain as quickly as possible and then i can appreciate what's been happening. it's such a long process and i need to be patient.

i am feeling slightly human for a few days now. feels good to be here. i am eating regularly now and sleeping all night. i think i'm doing pretty well for one week after brain surgery. please continue to progress and thank you for making me stronger every day. maybe for now that is what i'm thankful for. the steps feel small for now. that is where my focus is.

i made friends with my first nurse from santa monica ucla emergency room. she was so good to me and we became friends. i am now in touch with her and she will be looking in on me this friday. how lucky am i to have bonded with my nurse and now i get a personal visit. i feel so well watched right now. i haven't been alone yet. that is a funny change to not have been alone. i am sure that will change soon enough. i know life will look different as i get through this.

thank you for hearing me.
love,
andrea